three words: i give head
three words: not that well
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
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