i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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