apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
