we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
