he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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