Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
