Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
from now on my penis is your penis
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize