I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
