evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
