You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
