it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
