yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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