and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
