i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
