My hair reeks of homosexuality.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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