Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
That accounts for only three of the penises
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
