My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
