They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
