She is in my trunk
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
