A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize