She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
