I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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