i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
