If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
