I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
