Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
