you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The struggles of a small town man whore
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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