Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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