can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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