i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
