john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
