i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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