And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Drake has all the answers
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
