Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
