shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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