Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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