so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
