I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
