mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Randomize
