im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
