That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
