Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
