Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize