walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
