Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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