I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I AM VODKA MAN
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
