Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
