got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
no you cant smoke seaweed
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
you inspire me to be a worse person
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
