you're like a bully in the Christmas story
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
