heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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