I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
