you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
he fucked my hip out of place.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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