She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
