ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I will pee on everything he values.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
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