Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
