we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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