Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
