Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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