His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
