Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
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