shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you win again, gameday.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
