epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
