you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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