just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
