O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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