you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize