i would punch a child for taco bell
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
