The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
