im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
