Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
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