if you like me you must not know who I am
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
