Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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