So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
