weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
