I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
