I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
