What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Are we still banned from the library?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Who died my cat blue again?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize