No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
