The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
