i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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