Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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