We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
