quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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