Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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