You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
