we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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