My underwear smells like fireworks.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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