Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
