i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
